I'm saying it's okay to come home

[twicketface]

I feel bad that it took me this long to figure things out, but it is a universal truth.

Married people aren't very interesting.

Single people always have the best stories. Tawdry tales of staying out all night, flirting with new members of the opposite sex on a regular basis, cooking all meals using only a pizza oven - married people can't compete. Do you know what I did last night? I got home, made dinner, watched some television, dorked around on the internet and was in bed by 8:20. I'm not kidding. "Mr. Interesting? No, he lives next door. Mr. Boring here, nice to meet you. Now either come in or leave, you're letting the heat out!"

This is not to say I would prefer being single. I was single for almost 50 years and love being married. But on the off chance I get invited to a party or socialize with a group of people I don't know that well, I want someone else to be telling the stories. Because while shoveling the driveway and putting the cat toys away are vital ingredients to a good life, they don't hold the attention of anyone.

---

Apparently, I made a mistake ordering chai tea this morning. There is a coffee house (now that's a stupid title. Who lives there?) next door and I indulge once every few months. Not only did I order a "medium" (the clerk, seething with rage, corrected me while repeating back my order as a "tall" vanilla chai) but I didn't specify to go easy on the NINE HUNDRED AND FUCKING EIGHTY DEGREE WATER. I let the tea sit for 15 minutes before taking a sip and my tongue now has the appearance (and feel) of an exploded bratwurst, left too long in the microwave. Woe is me.

---

I work closely with one of the partners at work. Let's call him Bruce, because that's his name. Bruce is a nice guy. He did most of the recruiting work before I was hired, so I ask him lots of questions. Anyway, he has a weird habit. When he walks into my office to talk to me about something, he'll always pick up something either from my inbox or my desk and look at it. He'll keep talking when he does this, so maybe he's doing it without realizing it. I don't think he's snooping around, but it's disconcerting just the same. I thought about doing the same thing to him one time, but then I chickened out.

Comments

[hexkitten.livejournal.com]

Is it that single people have more interesting stories, or that we're worried about sounding like the joined-at-the-hip married couple? "Oh, and then D did this..." and "D said..."

Congratulations on your restraint at the coffeehouse. I would have egged the guy on. "No, I don't want a tall. I want a medium - like that little dilly."

[twicketface.livejournal.com]

Could be. Individual stories turn into couple stories. "We were at the grocery store when..." and so forth. We try to maintain separate interests and such, but I think it's just inevitable.

Exactly. It may be 'tall' in California, but we're in Wisconsin, damnit. It's medium!