Letting it all out...
Jul. 30th, 2002 02:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twicketfaceMy struggle for the past few years with weight loss is one I can pin solely on myself. Despite changes in eating habits and exercise, I get frustrated when I don't see changes in myself immediately and I give up. As a whole, I'm healthier than I've been in past years, but not much. I envision this turning around based upon three changes I want to make in my life. Increased water intake, exercising every day and eating only when I'm truly hungry. It will be (as it has been) an uphill battle, but one that I need to fight.
There are times that I feel I give too much of myself. Or maybe my expectations are just too high. Suffice it to say, I won't be making CDs for anyone for a while.
I'd like to get past the rhetoric with myself as well. I've got causes I believe in and things I feel very strongly about, but I rarely delve deeply into the issues. Mumia, the WM3, corporate fraud, religion...I wait for the sound bites and summarized articles and don't do any searching on my own. I hate that.
I walk a fine line between honesty and kindness. There are times when I want to say exactly what I feel but I hold back. I swallow the emotions and respond with a smile. And I don't know how healthy that exactly is. I've tried to live my life with the most amount of friends and the least amount of enemies. But what have I given up to maintain that imbalance? My feelings are justified; I think of myself as very level-headed. So why can't I be at peace with not being at peace with others?
I'm 24 years old and have truly no idea what I want to do with my life. I want to find another job, but it's hard to get excited about something that I've lost excitement over. I want to write for a living, but my fears over my proficiency and my responsibility to my family cause doubt. I realize that I've got plenty of time to figure out exactly what my role is, but it's gotten frustrating to search for so long and come up empty-handed.
Keeping a journal should be selfish and it should be personal. Mine has been neither up until now. Despite it all, I'm still a happy and positive person. I see the greatness in things, the anticipation of potential, the joys that a precious few people give me.
In other news, the scanning of photographs is going remarkably well. I've got about an album and a half done (out of roughly 7 albums) and am having a wonderful time reliving these memories. When all is said and done, I hope to have a CD full of these photos (I'm guessing between 1200 and 1500 total) along with a key to record people, places, events and memories. I only hope that it means as much to others as it does to me to preserve these representations of who we once were.
My stint at the campground is over and it went very smoothly. I made a rather large mistake but nothing that can't be rectified. I gave into the temptations of junk food and didn't get enough sleep, neither of which surprised me. Being back in the office feels confusing; in a "what am I supposed to be doing here, exactly?" sort of way.
I also just learned that narcolepsy is treated with Ritalin. Reminds me of a video I saw in my high school Psychology class. It was a video made in the 70s (one couple invited over another couple to play darts in their "recreation room") and the hosting husband simply fell over at one point and went to sleep. The visiting couple looked as if they had no idea of Host Husband's condition. The other memory that surfaces along with that one is how the teacher for that class got fired for peeking in on girls in the locker room while they were showering/changing. It sickens me that he was one of my favorite teachers and a really nice guy.
There are times that I feel I give too much of myself. Or maybe my expectations are just too high. Suffice it to say, I won't be making CDs for anyone for a while.
I'd like to get past the rhetoric with myself as well. I've got causes I believe in and things I feel very strongly about, but I rarely delve deeply into the issues. Mumia, the WM3, corporate fraud, religion...I wait for the sound bites and summarized articles and don't do any searching on my own. I hate that.
I walk a fine line between honesty and kindness. There are times when I want to say exactly what I feel but I hold back. I swallow the emotions and respond with a smile. And I don't know how healthy that exactly is. I've tried to live my life with the most amount of friends and the least amount of enemies. But what have I given up to maintain that imbalance? My feelings are justified; I think of myself as very level-headed. So why can't I be at peace with not being at peace with others?
I'm 24 years old and have truly no idea what I want to do with my life. I want to find another job, but it's hard to get excited about something that I've lost excitement over. I want to write for a living, but my fears over my proficiency and my responsibility to my family cause doubt. I realize that I've got plenty of time to figure out exactly what my role is, but it's gotten frustrating to search for so long and come up empty-handed.
Keeping a journal should be selfish and it should be personal. Mine has been neither up until now. Despite it all, I'm still a happy and positive person. I see the greatness in things, the anticipation of potential, the joys that a precious few people give me.
In other news, the scanning of photographs is going remarkably well. I've got about an album and a half done (out of roughly 7 albums) and am having a wonderful time reliving these memories. When all is said and done, I hope to have a CD full of these photos (I'm guessing between 1200 and 1500 total) along with a key to record people, places, events and memories. I only hope that it means as much to others as it does to me to preserve these representations of who we once were.
My stint at the campground is over and it went very smoothly. I made a rather large mistake but nothing that can't be rectified. I gave into the temptations of junk food and didn't get enough sleep, neither of which surprised me. Being back in the office feels confusing; in a "what am I supposed to be doing here, exactly?" sort of way.
I also just learned that narcolepsy is treated with Ritalin. Reminds me of a video I saw in my high school Psychology class. It was a video made in the 70s (one couple invited over another couple to play darts in their "recreation room") and the hosting husband simply fell over at one point and went to sleep. The visiting couple looked as if they had no idea of Host Husband's condition. The other memory that surfaces along with that one is how the teacher for that class got fired for peeking in on girls in the locker room while they were showering/changing. It sickens me that he was one of my favorite teachers and a really nice guy.
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no subject
Date: 2002-07-30 10:15 pm (UTC)I don't know if the whole cd thing was aimed at me or not, but no matter what the target I do owe you an apology. I realized when I was reading this, that I never even said thank you. I've been busy, distracted, and away from home a lot lately, but none of this is an excuse for not being kind and respectful. I adore you and everything you've done for me (which is a lot more than you realize I think.)
Don't stop being the wonderful person you are just because you're frustrated.
I think I'm going to start emailing you. I need sage advice.
HarleyQuinn
(your biggest fan)