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twicketfaceSeven random former job stories
I worked at Wendy's in high school. My favorite job was on the grill because it was easy. On occasion I would work with a sandwich maker named Brooke. She was a pretty typical stoner with a good sense of humor. Later I will come to learn that she lived with my friend Julie for a year with disasterous results. Anyway, Wendy's protocol for mustard application is to squirt it in the shape of a W on the burger, to ensure mustard in each bite. Brooke took it upon herself to instead squirt Eat Shit or 4:20 on the burger instead. I found this to be uproariously funny.
My second semester of freshman year, I was hired to work at the University Library. Mostly reshelving work and checking in/out patrons, handling fine payment, etc. The best part about the job was being able to take a cart of books ready to be reshelved, go up to the 2nd or 3rd floor, reshelve a dozen books and then read in a study corral or wander the aisles. I honestly think I spent more time masturbating than working at that job (thankfully, in a bathroom stall).
Prior to working at Wendy's, I worked at Arby's. At one point, the team was pretty good. I was 15 at the time and highly impressed by anyone who would want to talk with me outside of my group of friends. Bob was one of the 'managers' and destined for fast food greatness. He was in his late thirties, smoked like a chimney, and had a lisp. He also routinely sang Madonna songs when the store was closed. It was there I learned how to shoot pennies (by snapping my fingers) from behind the counter to the condiment stand. I also learned that I looked 21 from a co-worker, learned that another co-worker honestly believed he could fly and learned from a third co-worker that oral sex was the nicest thing you could do for a woman.
Before entering the legitimate working world, I would help my brother with his paper route on occasion. Two doors down from our house lived an elderly couple. They requested to have their paper put inbetween the storm and screen door, despite the woman *always* being there to take the paper from me. I was timely if nothing else. Anytime there was inclimate weather, she'd ask me, in a crotchety, harsh old woman voice, "Did you order this?" in reference to the weather. For the first three or four times, I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and just smiled politely until she closed the door. Another lady on the route thought it would be nice to offer me heated cauliflower with Cheese-Whiz as a snack. Despite her heart being in the right place and being a nice woman, it was rather scary. She did, however, tip well.
At my last job, I hired for a wide range of positions, especially during the summer. They had a number of day camps which required having a cook. I foolishly assumed this would be an easy position to fill. I proceeded to interview the most eclectic and sometimes disgusting group of people I've ever interviewed. As we were desperate, I made an offer to a guy who was extremely jittery in the interview (couldn't keep his hands still, kept bouncing his leg, etc). When he didn't show up for his drug screen (twice), we figured something was up. When we discovered he was in jail for cocaine position, well, that sorta sealed the deal.
The summers after freshman and sophmore year of college, I worked at an insurance company via a temp agency. Carrie B. and Andrea worked there as well and we lucked out by all working in the same department. Our job consisted of testing insurance policies to see if they were fully funded to age 100 (as they were supposed to do). If they didn't, the reps didn't get full commission for it. It was our job to enter the data, run a program to determine their commission and reduce it in the system if necessary. Then we prayed that they wouldn't call us to complain (which they always did). After we got a hang of the process, it went very quickly and we had days where we would work for two hours and occupy the remaining six with office supply fun, literally wandering the building (always carrying folders or reports, to look important) or abusing the company's email policy. I sent Marie three or four emails a day for roughly three months. I read countles books and listened to Weezer ad nausem with my headphones. It was the best job I ever had and our supervisor praised us all the time.
My job for most of my college career was as a computer lab consultant. This meant sitting at the consultant 'station' (which was for some reason usually elevated compared to the rest of the work stations) and browsing the web and pretending to do homework. Every 20 minutes or so, I'd help someone put page numbers on a Word document or refill the printer. It was mindless and the hours were flexible. I never had any crazy people in the lab. Never had anyone curse me out for forbidding their food and/or drink in the lab. Never had anyone browsing porn (that I knew of anyway). My boss tried to promote me as the coordinator of all the lab consultants (essentially, his right hand man) but I had switched majors from CS to HR and instead choose to take my first HR internship.
I worked at Wendy's in high school. My favorite job was on the grill because it was easy. On occasion I would work with a sandwich maker named Brooke. She was a pretty typical stoner with a good sense of humor. Later I will come to learn that she lived with my friend Julie for a year with disasterous results. Anyway, Wendy's protocol for mustard application is to squirt it in the shape of a W on the burger, to ensure mustard in each bite. Brooke took it upon herself to instead squirt Eat Shit or 4:20 on the burger instead. I found this to be uproariously funny.
My second semester of freshman year, I was hired to work at the University Library. Mostly reshelving work and checking in/out patrons, handling fine payment, etc. The best part about the job was being able to take a cart of books ready to be reshelved, go up to the 2nd or 3rd floor, reshelve a dozen books and then read in a study corral or wander the aisles. I honestly think I spent more time masturbating than working at that job (thankfully, in a bathroom stall).
Prior to working at Wendy's, I worked at Arby's. At one point, the team was pretty good. I was 15 at the time and highly impressed by anyone who would want to talk with me outside of my group of friends. Bob was one of the 'managers' and destined for fast food greatness. He was in his late thirties, smoked like a chimney, and had a lisp. He also routinely sang Madonna songs when the store was closed. It was there I learned how to shoot pennies (by snapping my fingers) from behind the counter to the condiment stand. I also learned that I looked 21 from a co-worker, learned that another co-worker honestly believed he could fly and learned from a third co-worker that oral sex was the nicest thing you could do for a woman.
Before entering the legitimate working world, I would help my brother with his paper route on occasion. Two doors down from our house lived an elderly couple. They requested to have their paper put inbetween the storm and screen door, despite the woman *always* being there to take the paper from me. I was timely if nothing else. Anytime there was inclimate weather, she'd ask me, in a crotchety, harsh old woman voice, "Did you order this?" in reference to the weather. For the first three or four times, I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and just smiled politely until she closed the door. Another lady on the route thought it would be nice to offer me heated cauliflower with Cheese-Whiz as a snack. Despite her heart being in the right place and being a nice woman, it was rather scary. She did, however, tip well.
At my last job, I hired for a wide range of positions, especially during the summer. They had a number of day camps which required having a cook. I foolishly assumed this would be an easy position to fill. I proceeded to interview the most eclectic and sometimes disgusting group of people I've ever interviewed. As we were desperate, I made an offer to a guy who was extremely jittery in the interview (couldn't keep his hands still, kept bouncing his leg, etc). When he didn't show up for his drug screen (twice), we figured something was up. When we discovered he was in jail for cocaine position, well, that sorta sealed the deal.
The summers after freshman and sophmore year of college, I worked at an insurance company via a temp agency. Carrie B. and Andrea worked there as well and we lucked out by all working in the same department. Our job consisted of testing insurance policies to see if they were fully funded to age 100 (as they were supposed to do). If they didn't, the reps didn't get full commission for it. It was our job to enter the data, run a program to determine their commission and reduce it in the system if necessary. Then we prayed that they wouldn't call us to complain (which they always did). After we got a hang of the process, it went very quickly and we had days where we would work for two hours and occupy the remaining six with office supply fun, literally wandering the building (always carrying folders or reports, to look important) or abusing the company's email policy. I sent Marie three or four emails a day for roughly three months. I read countles books and listened to Weezer ad nausem with my headphones. It was the best job I ever had and our supervisor praised us all the time.
My job for most of my college career was as a computer lab consultant. This meant sitting at the consultant 'station' (which was for some reason usually elevated compared to the rest of the work stations) and browsing the web and pretending to do homework. Every 20 minutes or so, I'd help someone put page numbers on a Word document or refill the printer. It was mindless and the hours were flexible. I never had any crazy people in the lab. Never had anyone curse me out for forbidding their food and/or drink in the lab. Never had anyone browsing porn (that I knew of anyway). My boss tried to promote me as the coordinator of all the lab consultants (essentially, his right hand man) but I had switched majors from CS to HR and instead choose to take my first HR internship.
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Date: 2004-05-17 02:36 pm (UTC)Do realize that I'm typing this up on work time and take that into account too...