There is no happy ending

[twicketface]

My favorite band has decided to call it quits. I've got so many memories attached to face to face, it's hard to find the words to describe what they and their music means to me. I've seen them in concert 4 times. I have a copy (CD or otherwise) of every song they've ever released. I've written them letters. I've not gone more than two weeks without listening to an album of theirs in years. I check their website on a daily basis. I've supported their side-projects. In a way, I feel like they owe me. They've provided me with countless hours of talent, entertainment, strength and joy. And all I want is more.

It must be exhausting, in a way, to be in a band. You put so much of yourself into your work and are almost destined for failure in the modern record industry. face to face found a way to carve out their own niche and have had 13 years of stories, experiences and regrets. It feels like a couple that Marie and I knew just broke up. Sure, they'll still be around and seeing other people, but it will never be the same. Similar to things going on in my personal life, I have a certain feeling of helplessness to it all.

I spent the majority of the weekend thinking about the band, about how it brought Jeremy and I together, how it strengthened the friendship that Jon and I have, how it's been the soundtrack to my life. How I listened to 'Reactionary' on the walk home from my brother's apartment, after I gave him a letter telling him that as long as he was doing drugs, I didn't want to be in his life. How the lyrics pounded in my ears and in my head and how fucking righteous I felt. How I've equated so many of the lyrics with various points in my life. I was never alone when I had face to face to listen to.

Maybe it's symbolic of chapters closing in my life. Friendships that don't seem to take on the importance they once did. Relationships that, despite efforts of those involved (and not involved), just don't work. Responsibilities and obligations that are becoming more evident and pressing. It's more like growing in than growing up.

It's silly to think that things will always be the way that we want. And yet, we find it so hard to accept change. We struggle to find the time to appreciate what's right in front of us, ever in search of making things just a little bit better without a willingness to compromise. There is some talk of a final tour and in a way, it feels like it would be wrong. Maybe we shouldn't be given a chance to pay last respects and show appreciation when we had the chance to do so all along.

Comments

[amanda-mary.livejournal.com]

First, I'll extend a friendly "Hello!" I noticed that you added me to your friends list, and "returned the favor" by adding you to mine. You seem like an upstanding guy, and, from what I've read of your journal and web site, remind me more than a little bit of my significant other, Cullen (cornelius_mcfeemy-life memories tied to the music, I can't help but ignore logic and feel ... wistful.

That said, I've never heard Face to Face. My allegiance to punk rock, on the musical history timeline, ends somewhere around the Clash's Sandinista!. (My tastes in contemporary music tend toward the twee and the bizarre). Nonetheless, I can identify with the difficulties that go hand in hand with change. I think everyone can.

[twicketface.livejournal.com]

And a hello back to you. Welcome to the madness.

I would (obviously) recommend them to everyone. Not the traditional idea of punk (Sex Pistols or anything). Incredibly well-written and inspirational lyrics. http://www.facetofacemusic.com if you want to check them out.

[twicketface.livejournal.com]

Hi Amanda - I'm re-reading my livejournal from the beginning and it looks like this is the first time you ever commented on my journal. While it's doubtful your email address is still linked up, I think it's hilarious to repond to comments that are more than a decade old. I'm glad that we've stayed connected all these years later.