I'm calling your bluff
Jan. 2nd, 2003 02:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twicketfaceOne of my strengths is giving people second (and even fourth or fifth) chances. Even when I initially make up my mind to write someone off, I have almost always come around and given it "one more shot". What I thought was being courteous and turning the other cheek lead to a mild form of neurosis. I'd get pent up over someone not returning a phone call or email and fret over it for days. I'd rationalize that they might be having ISP problems or their answering machine might not work right, to little avail. And I'd get mad for about an hour and then come around and call them again or write a letter. I don't think it's a fear of abandonment; rather that my friends mean so much to me I'd be crushed without them. This is why I've always (for the most part) gone out of my way to remind them what they mean to me and 'have my shit together' when it comes to communication. But to an extent, no longer
Welcome to the Year of Brian.
I've come to realize that there are changes within myself that I want to make and the energy formerly used to be top communicator will now be devoted towards myself. I admit it sounds selfish and it probably is. But I also think it's selfish to not make an effort to stay in touch if the relationship means anything to you. I'll still be the email junkie I've always been. But I will not try to make up for other people's distractions/excuses by myself. My 'drop everything and respond to that email post-haste' attitude is a reflection on myself, not everyone else. I need to keep that in the forefront of my thinking. While this might result in the changing, and even possibly ending of some friendships, I think it's a bit of a test to see how strong those relationships are.
In order to successfully make the changes in myself, I need to devote more time to, well, me. And as easy as it is to forgo exercise for a phone call to a close friend, I need to stop making that an excuse. It's the roadblocks we erect ourselves that do more damage than anything else.
Anyway, things have been going well so far in my plans. Marie had the great idea of having me write for each and every monthly topic for The Sun, even if I don't send them in to be published. A fantastic idea and one that I'm ashamed I didn't think of in the first place. Now, if only I could convince my mom to do the same.
I've not had soda since last year (ha!) and even went to the Y on Monday. It was quite crowded, so I hit the weights instead of the treadmill. I'm working out the soreness and know that it's my own doing (exercise, stop for a week, exercise, stop for 10 days) that makes getting back into it like trying to push an apartment building uphill. I also took a long walk yesterday in the cold weather. My cheapo headphones (not to be confused with my Great Big Headphones) have a loose connection in the right ear, so I only heard half of Ben Folds Five with random bursts of sound to keep me on edge. After a few days without leaving the apartment, it felt good to get out and move around. Next time I'll remember to bring Kleenex.
Welcome to the Year of Brian.
I've come to realize that there are changes within myself that I want to make and the energy formerly used to be top communicator will now be devoted towards myself. I admit it sounds selfish and it probably is. But I also think it's selfish to not make an effort to stay in touch if the relationship means anything to you. I'll still be the email junkie I've always been. But I will not try to make up for other people's distractions/excuses by myself. My 'drop everything and respond to that email post-haste' attitude is a reflection on myself, not everyone else. I need to keep that in the forefront of my thinking. While this might result in the changing, and even possibly ending of some friendships, I think it's a bit of a test to see how strong those relationships are.
In order to successfully make the changes in myself, I need to devote more time to, well, me. And as easy as it is to forgo exercise for a phone call to a close friend, I need to stop making that an excuse. It's the roadblocks we erect ourselves that do more damage than anything else.
Anyway, things have been going well so far in my plans. Marie had the great idea of having me write for each and every monthly topic for The Sun, even if I don't send them in to be published. A fantastic idea and one that I'm ashamed I didn't think of in the first place. Now, if only I could convince my mom to do the same.
I've not had soda since last year (ha!) and even went to the Y on Monday. It was quite crowded, so I hit the weights instead of the treadmill. I'm working out the soreness and know that it's my own doing (exercise, stop for a week, exercise, stop for 10 days) that makes getting back into it like trying to push an apartment building uphill. I also took a long walk yesterday in the cold weather. My cheapo headphones (not to be confused with my Great Big Headphones) have a loose connection in the right ear, so I only heard half of Ben Folds Five with random bursts of sound to keep me on edge. After a few days without leaving the apartment, it felt good to get out and move around. Next time I'll remember to bring Kleenex.
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Date: 2003-01-02 09:43 pm (UTC)On another note, yay, you, for putting your foot down. Relationships are a two way street, and it's unfair to expect one person to be responsible for keeping in touch. And...*heh*...may I just say that I'm guessing you don't have anybody in your intimate circle that's wretched like me. I'm horribly vocal about slackers taking advantage of the nice, caring people. ;)
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Date: 2003-01-04 08:28 pm (UTC)I agree about the relationships comment. All of my friends are in their early to mid-20s; well-capable of taking ownership for their relationships.