I'm not good looking or well dressed
Oct. 16th, 2002 02:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twicketfaceProblems in my life, as it stands:
1. Poor relationship with Brad
2. Lack of job direction
3. Lack of financial assets (i.e., we wanna house and we want it now)
4. Slight lack of connection with friends (as if we are growing apart, in a way. More a fear of the future than the now)
5. General fear of war, death, destruction, continued tomfoolery
Solutions:
1. Continue trying to make an impact on him, be honest with the things that hurt me about him and keep hoping
2. Explore career opportunities. Network. Consider further schooling. Put the emphasis on happiness instead of money.
3. Depends on number 2. Set specific budget and cut down on frivilious spending
4. Lower expectations, realize not everyone is a slave to communication as I am
5. Pray. Learn. Hope. Talk. Debate. Live.
I am anxiously awaiting three CDs (2 AK3 albums and RFTC's Scream, Dracula, Scream) to come via the mail. I think the Media Tower whispers to me to obtain more CDs in the night...
Quote of the day:
"Hey, look, I was Al Shifts before Al Shifts was Al Shifts, ok? I have a right to know these things!"
Marie picked me up from work on Monday and we went to get her car ($112 later, with a new battery intact), stopped by the bank to deposit my investment check (towards our down payment), stopped by the library to get some books and then returned home for a quick dinner. Then, we went to see "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", on account of us getting two free tickets from a co-worker. Karma, baby.
The movie was very good, with us probably being the last people to see it. It made me want to hug my parents and wish I had a bigger immediate family.
As we were driving home, there was a sign on the Wendy's marquee that said:
"NOW HIRING
AL SHIFTS"
Which prompted me to comment that if this Al Shifts was such a good worker, I should've known about him, given my past history of employment at Wendy's. Marie said that he must have taken over after I retired. Which prompted the above quote. We have a groovy kind of love.
I'm in one of those moods. Not sad, not depressed, but more disappointed in myself. I think a lot about how when I was younger, I had so much more time on my hands and mostly just pissed it away. And I know that one day, I'll look back on this time and feel the same way. Maybe it's because I don't produce anything of value. Like music or writings or make things with my hands. It's hard for me to look back on my life and be proud, because most of my accomplishments haven't taken up space. Personal improvement,good really fucking great relationships with my friends, a wonderful wife and so forth. Maybe that's just crazy talk.
I've been thinking about my own mortality lately, and what people will think about me when I'm gone. Like I should be making a larger impact. But maybe the largest impact is the one that can't really be seen, only felt.
Maybe I just need to get laid.
Last night Brian and I banged on the drums for a while, Pearl Jam, Cake and Tom Petty. I was getting frustrated with myself and my lack of coordination. I cannot incorporate the bass drum into my playing with the accuracy I'd like. But he was very patient and slowed things down for me until I got it (or at least, did better). I need to set aside regular time to practice and hopefully will improve. I also could use some new sticks, as mine are pretty shredded. I looked down at one point to see my sneaker covered with little wooden shavings from the hi-hat.
Random frustrations:
People who complain without trying to change the situation. Example: I have a co-worker who responds with any situation that she is unsure of with "Isn't that strange?". Mostly, it's with computer problems. And since I'm the resident "expert" in the department, I get to fix whatever she can't figure out. If she would take the time to learn about how programs work (I'm talking on a low level) and make time to train herself, things wouldn't be so strange.
People who can't keep track of their own turn during board/card games. Blankly staring at the board while nothing is happening just very well may be an indicator that it's your turn to roll the dice.
Saturday Night Live. What happened that it's gotten so mediocre in such a short amount of time? I think it needs more Tina Fey.
The medical industry. I had my appointment with the allergist last week and just got the bill. $800 smackers. Now, 90% of that will be covered by insurance, but they have a stipulation that the patients need to pay the bill first, and then get reimbursed by the insurance company. Um, I thought the purpose of an insurance company was to make health core (semi)affordable. I have another appointment today and think I'll need to state my point of view.
Wow, this is one long entry. I'll save my survey results for another time.
1. Poor relationship with Brad
2. Lack of job direction
3. Lack of financial assets (i.e., we wanna house and we want it now)
4. Slight lack of connection with friends (as if we are growing apart, in a way. More a fear of the future than the now)
5. General fear of war, death, destruction, continued tomfoolery
Solutions:
1. Continue trying to make an impact on him, be honest with the things that hurt me about him and keep hoping
2. Explore career opportunities. Network. Consider further schooling. Put the emphasis on happiness instead of money.
3. Depends on number 2. Set specific budget and cut down on frivilious spending
4. Lower expectations, realize not everyone is a slave to communication as I am
5. Pray. Learn. Hope. Talk. Debate. Live.
I am anxiously awaiting three CDs (2 AK3 albums and RFTC's Scream, Dracula, Scream) to come via the mail. I think the Media Tower whispers to me to obtain more CDs in the night...
Quote of the day:
"Hey, look, I was Al Shifts before Al Shifts was Al Shifts, ok? I have a right to know these things!"
Marie picked me up from work on Monday and we went to get her car ($112 later, with a new battery intact), stopped by the bank to deposit my investment check (towards our down payment), stopped by the library to get some books and then returned home for a quick dinner. Then, we went to see "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", on account of us getting two free tickets from a co-worker. Karma, baby.
The movie was very good, with us probably being the last people to see it. It made me want to hug my parents and wish I had a bigger immediate family.
As we were driving home, there was a sign on the Wendy's marquee that said:
"NOW HIRING
AL SHIFTS"
Which prompted me to comment that if this Al Shifts was such a good worker, I should've known about him, given my past history of employment at Wendy's. Marie said that he must have taken over after I retired. Which prompted the above quote. We have a groovy kind of love.
I'm in one of those moods. Not sad, not depressed, but more disappointed in myself. I think a lot about how when I was younger, I had so much more time on my hands and mostly just pissed it away. And I know that one day, I'll look back on this time and feel the same way. Maybe it's because I don't produce anything of value. Like music or writings or make things with my hands. It's hard for me to look back on my life and be proud, because most of my accomplishments haven't taken up space. Personal improvement,
I've been thinking about my own mortality lately, and what people will think about me when I'm gone. Like I should be making a larger impact. But maybe the largest impact is the one that can't really be seen, only felt.
Maybe I just need to get laid.
Last night Brian and I banged on the drums for a while, Pearl Jam, Cake and Tom Petty. I was getting frustrated with myself and my lack of coordination. I cannot incorporate the bass drum into my playing with the accuracy I'd like. But he was very patient and slowed things down for me until I got it (or at least, did better). I need to set aside regular time to practice and hopefully will improve. I also could use some new sticks, as mine are pretty shredded. I looked down at one point to see my sneaker covered with little wooden shavings from the hi-hat.
Random frustrations:
People who complain without trying to change the situation. Example: I have a co-worker who responds with any situation that she is unsure of with "Isn't that strange?". Mostly, it's with computer problems. And since I'm the resident "expert" in the department, I get to fix whatever she can't figure out. If she would take the time to learn about how programs work (I'm talking on a low level) and make time to train herself, things wouldn't be so strange.
People who can't keep track of their own turn during board/card games. Blankly staring at the board while nothing is happening just very well may be an indicator that it's your turn to roll the dice.
Saturday Night Live. What happened that it's gotten so mediocre in such a short amount of time? I think it needs more Tina Fey.
The medical industry. I had my appointment with the allergist last week and just got the bill. $800 smackers. Now, 90% of that will be covered by insurance, but they have a stipulation that the patients need to pay the bill first, and then get reimbursed by the insurance company. Um, I thought the purpose of an insurance company was to make health core (semi)affordable. I have another appointment today and think I'll need to state my point of view.
Wow, this is one long entry. I'll save my survey results for another time.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-10-16 02:40 pm (UTC)additionally, i have learned in the past three or four years that no one else can fix my problems, so if i'm going to complain, i had better be working to make the situation better. i think it is easy not to try when you have no idea about what you can actually do to improve things, and then you are more likely to complain just for lack of knowing what else to do, and i just said this same thing in a reply to justin yesterday i think. also, i always forget when it's my turn at games. it's because i don't pay attention to anything, ever. i don't just sit and stare at the board though, usually i forget it's my turn because i am talking to the other player(s) about something or dancing a jig, and i think those are legitimate enough excuses. also also, we have an HMO, which is almost the same as having syphilis or maybe paranoid schizophrenia, i think. it is extremely difficult to find doctors in our plan who are not 12938240 miles away and are not bad doctors. about a year ago, we were trying to find a psychiatrist for me to switch to instead of the one i had because he killed someone, and i went to 132489 other ones who had killed people or tried to kill me or put me into institutions or on large quantities of lithium [that's the only part i'm not exaggerating about, except the part where my other psychiatrist killed someone (actually he killed two people!!!!)] and then i just quit all of them and quit being on any medication and things are fine now, the end.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-17 07:51 am (UTC)Maybe I just need to get laid.
Don't you get laid on a fairly regular basis?
no subject
Date: 2002-10-17 01:58 pm (UTC)I feel the same way about doctors. It's such an ordeal to find a new doctor and if you don't like him/her, another ordeal to switch and I'm sure they write in your file (like on Seinfeld) about being a pain and they withhold treatment/easy solutions to make you unhappy.
I'm realizing I really don't like doctors. You are you own best medicine.
Dancing a jig is always a legitimate excuse. Always.
Re:
Date: 2002-10-18 03:45 pm (UTC)i think it works.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-21 01:54 am (UTC)Meanwhile, I am starting a health-core band.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-23 02:20 pm (UTC)I would like to rock out with your health-core band at every opportunity. Please sing about onions.