Was it my back hair?

[twicketface]

So, Kimberly dumped me three weeks ago out of the blue (as in, telling me how much she loved me two days prior) and I think I'm just now coming to terms with it.  It was the week before my annual work trip and being 4,200 miles from home was both helpful and not.  Anthony Bourdain ended his life while I was there and it was interesting thought experiment in being seemingly in a good place physically but not so much mentally.  I don't know a ton about him, but he had a lot of fame and adulation but none of it could help him overcome the darkness.  I was on a beach on a crystal clear day, feeling the ocean wash over my feet and felt like absolute dog shit.

 

I'm thankful my coworkers were understanding and tried not to bring a black cloud to the week.  Our CTO almost got in a fist fight on the beach with two meat heads over his dog not being leashed and his (apparently) short fuse.  He's the most mild-mannered guy I've ever met and probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet but those guys had him seeing red instantly.  Thankfully, we were all there to help break it up.  Weird.

 

Kimberly and I have been exchanging emails since and I've gotten some clarity over things.  She had concerns that she never brought up to me that came to a head for her internally.  And some of them would have been easily solvable had she opted to bring them up before ending things.  She's gone back and forth about what she really wants and claims she might have just made the biggest mistake of her life.  She's apologized for how things ended and I do believe is really sorry for the hurt she's caused.  I'm trying to keep in mind that she's hurting too.  

 

Ultimately, the physical distance between us (and both of our inability to move to the other's city, at least for the time being) was too hard.  Neither of us were interested in pursuing marriage and yet when I tell people we split up that's what they immediately assume.  My mom told me that since I can't meet people at work (what with working from home), maybe I could find someone at church.  Two days after the break-up while I was in tears.  So, thanks for that.

 

And I don't know how to totally handle things going forward - I still want to be in her life but know it's probably not healthy.  I've snoozed her Facebook profile in my feed but still check it manually every day like some pathetic dork.  She's liking some of my posts and it just feels weird.  I know intellectually that things are over but it'll take me some time to get there emotionally.

 

I haven't told Nate yet because I know it will crush him but I know I have to and we can weather it together.

 

I have next week off of work and have a to-do list three pages (literally) long and will spend at least one day in bed with snacks and Netflix and the lights out.