Sep. 10th, 2015

twicketface: (You suck McBain!)

I had the first therapy appointment last week. I think it went pretty well - it was hard to know where to start but I think I hit the points I wanted to. The therapist was empathetic to my situation and talked about forgiveness (how it's about the other person but it's mostly about ourselves) and about mindfulness to keep control of the negative thoughts that tend to crop up. She did more talking than I thought she would

She mentioned a diagnosis of, um, traumatic disorder but I don't think that's right. Basically, she said it's somewhat of a catch-all diagnosis and has to due with issues arising from a traumatic experience. She said she wasn't envisioning long term therapy (and I didn't think I was either but didn't totally know what to expect). She talked about CBT and using that as a tool. She recommended a mindfulness app to try out which I'm going to start doing. My next appt is in three weeks, which feels comfortable to me.

I've had good support from friends and family (present company included), but to have a professional tell me that my feelings are normal felt pretty good. I'm still pretty emotionally constipated but one thing at a time. So, it might be a situation where I need a checkup every few months vs. a more frequent schedule. And once I figure out how much insurance will cover, that might dictate frequency too.

I also joined my local YMCA over the weekend and will start my new workout routine there next week. I'm trying to focus less on the scale and more on having a physical activity six days a week and subbing a protein shake and a salad for a typical meal after I lift weights. I'm fortunate to have a job where I can workout over my lunch hour and only need to worry about stinking up my home office without my co-workers noses being offended.

There's a chance I'll be in the Los Angeles/San Diego area in early October for work, which will be nice. My California experience thus far has been a few stints at LAX. Life seems to be otherwise fine - Nate's handling being a 4th grader with ease and I think getting back into a routine will do him good.

I joined another small group at church - focused on a monthly discusison topic. Last night was our first meeting and it seemed to go pretty well. The topic was Invitation but we spent most of our 90 minutes together talking about the Black Lives Matter movement which was interesting and horrifying at the same time. Over the last year or so, I've become so much more aware of my privilege and how vastly different reality is for non-whites. I'm proud to belong to a faith community that is in the right side of history and hope we can continue to support equality and justice. It's just such a big, big issue with so many nuances - a lot of which I'm still figuring out.

I'm also glad that Nate wasn't interested in Bob's Burgers, as I'd forgotten it's a little more adult than I'd like him exposed to at age 9. He's asking me more questions about The Simpsons and his current favorite episode is Homer's Phobia (where Homer meets a John Waters-inspired (and voiced) character who is gay. Nate often will shout out "Everybody Dance Now!" as a nod to the gay steel mill scene, which is pretty great.


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